February 2009

Issue 1, Volume 7

Alright, so the tour was originally supposed to begin in Hinman and end at the Parking Garage and take up some 700 words of my talking. Simple enough, right? But no, since you guys did indeed park in the visitor's parking lot, we have to end up there, so we might as well have some fun in the meantime. Also, I apparently missed several important things on the way down, although I think that going to them is not that necessary since I doubt you will remember anything about them. You probably do not even know where you are right now.

A couple of interesting places happen to be in the Fine Arts building, so prepare to get lost. Now that we are inside, look outside towards the lighted courtyard area at another tour group. This is the Memorial Courtyard, a place of peace and solitude where you can actually book to have an event. Since I waited until yesterday instead of submitting the required form a month ahead of time, we do not have use of it. Oops. Still, you can marvel at the dark end outside of the Art Museum, unfortunately closed because it is a holiday. What holiday? Ask A Stupid Question Day. You think I am making this day up, but it is real. I believe that this group has already celebrated it out. Actually, it is closed because it is Sunday. Yes, it is still Ask a Stupid Question Day. Thanks for participating! I can not put anything over on this crowd, can I?

The reason why we are going back is this: big greenhouse. Notice that the plants are separated into four sections depending on the biome they were uprooted from. Know that Binghamton does not have an allegorical policy of doing the same with their students, but only because they could not find a building big enough. While this natural wonderland is normally open to the public, unfortunately it is their lunch hour and so we are illegally trespassing on Mother Nature. I could not tell cactus from Euphorbia anyway. Please do not eat the fruit growing above your head, or you will be thrown out of the garden for eternity.

Ding dong is our siren call! College means classes, classes mean study, and study means books, which means that it is time to go to the library! Passing the happy fountain again as we saunter inside, we pass a rare coffee kiosk. We must swoop around the throngs of sullen-eyed loiterers there due to the criminal lack of places for them to sit. We travel onwards towards the nerve center of the library: the information commons. Take in the beauty of the widescreen TVs that are doomed to never be used for good TV. Observe the incomprehensible floor plan that purports to hide the available computers. If you think this maze is bad, wait until you see the library basement. They will not even give you a map.

I have uncharacteristically done the right thing and avoided going downstairs, so it is time to check out of the library. Onward to the door ahead where outside you see an unemotional slab of concrete we refer to as the Engineering Building. The building is the home base for Watson Engineering, named after Thomas Watson, a founder of both IBM and Binghamton University, back when we were an extension of Syracuse. Since IBM left, Binghamton proper has become a dried up husk of its former self and Syracuse has long since gone their separate way. Mention or memorabilia of either is grounds for forcing you to buy a Binghamton hoodie or similarly priced merchandise. We will impound your car to enforce this.

Speaking of your cars, we are not even heading in the correct direction to get to the visitors parking, but I do not think I have given the other communities on campus enough justice. They too will be built up and torn down in the next and final section of the tour. Some are being torn down quite literally, but more on that later. Unfortunately, since the continuation of our tour is planned this time, you are left off without any sort of ending. At least you had some sense of closure last time. My advice: Take multiple tours! One is bound to end sometime.

Daniel Winegard is an undeclared sophomore who wasn't happy enough to just have another page to continue the tour saga. He needed another issue.